Alright Adam. When I was in high school I loved your shtick. It was funny and you were a goofball. Now you're growing older and trying to adapt and be both mature and a goof at the same time. I can relate with this identity crisis you're having, but my life isn't a movie. In other words, there is no room for a bonafide romance in your comedies. The kind of love you showed for the teacher in Billy Madison was both cute and ridiculous, just the way I like it. Please go back to that.

If not, that's fine. I thought you were excellent in Punch Drunk Love. You are not that versatile, but you can definitely handle a dramatic role with ease. My point is that you must choose. No more of this mish-mash that occurs when producers and directors and actors all have different visions. Let's pick one thing and do it well.

I still like you, really I do, but this was a big setback in our relationship. I want one of three things from you: flowers, a back rub, or a good movie with a unified vision. I don't think that's too much to ask.